


I Couldn't Whisper When You Needed It Shouted

by badcaseofcasey



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Derek "Nursey" Nurse is Unchill, Grad Student Derek "Nursey" Nurse, M/M, NHL Player William "Dex" Poindexter, POV Derek "Nursey" Nurse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badcaseofcasey/pseuds/badcaseofcasey
Summary: I couldn't utter my love when it countedAh, but I'm singing like a bird ‘bout it nowI couldn't whisper when you needed it shoutedAh, but I'm singing like a bird ‘bout it now- Hozier, ShrikeNursey never thought that he would have to find out about Dex coming out from an article in Sports Illustrated. To be fair, if you had asked him when he first met Dex, he would've never thought they'd have dated in the first place.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 12
Kudos: 171





	I Couldn't Whisper When You Needed It Shouted

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I'm uploading this while I take a short break from working on my sterek Anastasia AU, [**one hope then another**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822417), if you're interested!
> 
> I've been working on it in bits and pieces over the course of a few years now and I'm so excited to finally share it with you!
> 
> So much thanks to [theratchild](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theratchild) and [randomhank](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomhank) for betaing this fic for me! I couldn't have done it without them.
> 
> PS: If you click the links in the first section, it'll take you to some manips (if you can even call them that?) that I spent _way_ too much time working on, but am actually super proud of.

Derek Nurse dropped heavily into his seat, pulling the scarf away from his neck and trying to catch his breath after his spontaneous run through Penn Station. It was bitterly cold outside, which was normal for New York in December, but he was peeling off layers as fast as possible to adjust to the heat of the train.

He had enrolled at The New School and was working on his dissertation; one of the other doctoral students had convinced him to take a job teaching as an adjunct professor outside of the city once a week. He’d really been enjoying the class so far, and it was nice to see trees on a regular basis again, but it meant taking a two-hour train ride there and back every week.

This particular morning, he had barely made it into his seat before the train began to pull out of the station. He had been grading papers and lost track of time; he hadn’t even had a chance to check his phone as he ran out of the house with his coat half on. He could feel his heart rate start to slow and he regretted, not for the first time, how out of shape he had gotten. It hadn’t been that long since he had been a Division I athlete, a simple run through the train station shouldn’t completely knock the wind out of him.

He opened his phone to check if anyone had been trying to get in touch with him and saw the SMH group chat blowing up, notifications cascading down his screen.  
  


[ **SMH** ](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2fbf617bf95a045ed48e6ad10e885f66/2a79c86cd7365128-da/s640x960/e64c34c8b132567d25f8580a7509f6599795a6cc.png)

**Ransom  
**broooooo

 **Chowder  
**dex!!!

 **Holster  
**brooooo

 **Shitty  
**YOU ARE AN ICON AND MY PERSONAL HERO.

 **Lardo  
**What he said ^

 **Holster  
**i’ve never been more proud

 **Jack  
**Dex, let me know if you ever need to talk or anything.

 **Bitty  
** We’re always here in Providence if you need us. Congrats!! 

**Dex  
**Thanks everyone! Good to know you guys have my back.

 **Bitty  
**Always!

**Itty Bitty**

How are you feeling, Nursey?  
I’m here if you need to talk.

Nursey blinked, confused at the stream of congratulatory texts flashing across the screen. What did Dex do that he had missed? He didn’t think he’d had a game last night, but he could be wrong. He was even more confused by Bitty’s check-in; why would he, specifically, be feeling any certain kind of way? 

He quickly went to google to see if he could figure out what was going on with Dex; these days, the internet was more likely to tell him what was going on in Dex’s life than Dex himself. There, at the top of the search results were five or six news articles, all within the last few hours and all with variations of the same headline.

**[BREAKING: SABRES DEFENSEMAN WILLIAM POINDEXTER COMES OUT AS GAY](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9a50ea543d525f3183002225928df6ba/2a79c86cd7365128-ef/s500x750/54cdf7189331230dcd7a855aad213665e0532bf8.png)**

* * *

**_two and a half years ago_ **

* * *

“Derek, wait,” Dex said, jogging after him into their hotel room.

“I’m tired of waiting,” Derek said. “I’m not doing this for another minute. I can’t be in a relationship where I constantly have to hide.”

“I thought you were okay with me taking my time to come out when I’m ready.”

“I was - I am,” Derek said, walking out of the bathroom with his toiletries in hand. “It’s a deeply personal experience and only you can decide when it’s the right time. I just… don’t think I can be in a relationship with you until you get there. All I want to do is hold your hand and not have you snatch it away from me.”

“The guy had a camera pointed at us, Derek!” Dex pleaded, his voice desperate.

“He was a tourist and we were in front of the goddamn Eiffel Tower! Do you really think he was trying to get a picture of us holding hands?”

Dex was quiet, purposefully looking anywhere but at Derek.

“It’s our anniversary,” Derek said sadly, starting to pack his things haphazardly into his suitcase. “We came to Paris so that we could go out together without having to hide for once. But you can’t even do that! Are you ashamed of being with me?”

“No! Derek, no of course not; I could never be ashamed of you,” Dex said. “I just- I’m not Jack, okay? I’m still proving myself as a player, as a member of the team. If it got out now, I could lose everything.”

“That’s fine, Will, I’m not going to fault you for not being ready to come out to the world,” Derek sighed. “But we’re thousands of miles away from Buffalo. No one is going to recognize you here; why can’t we just be together and relax?”

He zipped his suitcase and pulled it off the bed, ready to get as far away as possible before he started crying his eyes out. Dex moved in front of him, his broad shoulders filling the door frame. “Nursey, let’s talk about this; don’t just leave me.”

Derek squared his shoulders. “Let me go. We can talk about this later, but I can’t be with you right now.”

“But... I love you,” Dex responded. His voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.

“Then let me _go_ , Will,” Derek said, his voice just as quiet.

Dex looked at Nursey, tears filling his eyes. After a long moment, he stepped to the side.

Derek moved to leave, but paused with his hand on the doorknob, steeling himself, knowing that walking out the door meant the end of him and Dex.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t-” Dex broke off before he could finish the thought. 

“I know,” Derek said, pushing his suitcase out the door. He didn’t look back until he heard the hotel door shut behind him.

* * *

**_present day_ **

* * *

Derek looked out at the trees rushing by the train. He shot a quick text to Bitty to reassure him that he was okay, then silenced his phone and put it away, needing to process on his own. 

Dex coming out was something that he had never quite believed would actually happen, to be honest. While they were dating, he had a million fantasies of what it would be like to be open with Dex in public, to hold hands and walk around Central Park or to go out to dinner and not worry about being seen together, for once. But by the time they broke up, Derek had long-since abandoned most of those fantasies.

Derek’s mind was so completely overwhelmed with thoughts and memories and questions that he barely made it to his classroom. Even once class had started, he couldn’t focus on the lecture, his mind drifting off every few seconds.

“Professor Nurse?”

“Huh?” Nursey turned away from where he had paused halfway through writing the poet’s name on the board.

“Are you okay?” Serena, one of his more talkative students, asked.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that guys,” Derek said, finishing up writing on the board and underlining it with a flourish. “I’m a little distracted today. I got some news about a friend this morning and I haven’t been able to focus since.”

“Are they okay?” another student, Alex, piped up.

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine, it was more of just a… surprise,” Derek said. He looked at the board and sighed. He wasn’t going to be able to talk about anything coherently until he dealt with the Dex thing. Fuck it, he thought, might as well talk about something. “My ex-boyfriend just came out and that was basically the entire reason we broke up, so I’m not really sure what to do about that now.”

The class murmured, many of them perking up, clearly more interested in his personal life than 20th century poetry.

“How did you find out?” Serena asked.

“Partly through a group text between our old hockey team that we’re both still in. Partly from Sports Illustrated.”

“Woah, wait,” Devon, one of the members of the school’s hockey team spoke up. “Is your ex William Poindexter? From the Sabres?”

Derek sighed. No use in hiding it now. “Yeah. We were d-men together at Samwell; we started dating our junior year.”

“How did you get together?” Alex asked, resting their chin on their hand and leaning in, clearly eager to hear more.

“I had a crush on him for like, a year, before we ended up living together in the hockey house,” Derek shook his head, remembering how ridiculous they had been. “And I wish I could say that I got my shit together and made the first move, but I was too scared and I just sort of pined after him for the better part of two years. He was the one who made the first move, in the end…”

* * *

**_five years ago_ **

* * *

“Nursey, you in here?” Dex called as he entered the room.

Derek popped up from where he had been laying across his lofted bed, reading for class. “Hey!”

Dex walked over, resting his arm on the bed frame. “I’ve been looking for you - I figured you would be outside with the weather as nice as it is.”

“I was earlier, but I got distracted by the duck family in the pond, so I had to come inside if I wanted to get any work done,” Derek said, sitting up properly.

Dex nodded, but didn’t say anything else, looking down at his feet. Derek noticed that he was a little pinker than usual.

“Did you have something you wanted to tell me?”

“What?” Dex said, looking up at Derek.

“You said you’d been looking for me?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dex said, looking back down at his hands. “Well. You know, Winter Screw is coming up.” Derek nodded. “And I was talking with Bitty about maybe asking a- a guy this year.”

Derek felt his eyebrows fly up. Dex had only just come out to the team a few weeks ago, but Derek hadn’t thought he would be ready to be more open about it just yet. “Chill! Is it- do you have someone in mind, or are you looking for help finding someone?”

Derek felt his stomach tighten at the idea of Dex finding and falling in love with someone who _wasn’t him_ , but he could be a supportive friend. Derek was fighting so hard to control his reaction to Dex’s announcement that he missed what Dex was saying.

“I mean obviously, you don’t have to, it was just an idea. And I’m not like… expecting you to return my… feelings.”

“Wait, what?” Derek said, shaking his head. 

“Okay. I made it weird. I’m just gonna go now,” Dex said, backing out of the room.

“No, hold on, back up,” Nursey said, climbing down from his bed inelegantly. “Repeat what you just said. I literally didn’t hear you and I want to make sure.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Nurse? I take a huge gamble, make the grand gesture, and you aren’t even listening?”

“Dex- Will, please,” Derek said. “Just repeat what you just said.”

Dex sighed. “Against my better judgement, Nurse, I like you. A lot. So, will you come to Winter Screw with me?”

Derek felt his heart skip a beat. He tried to get his vocal chords to make a sound, but it was like he had forgotten how talk, his throat tight.

Dex started to turn away, but Nurse grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him close. 

“Of course I will go to Screw with you, Will,” he responded. “I’ve had this huge, ridiculous crush on you forever. And I haven’t exactly been subtle.”

“Are you calling me oblivious?”

“Well, I _have_ been trying to kiss you for the past 30 seconds and you haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You’ve been _talking_ for the last-”

Derek cut him off with a kiss; Dex kept talking for a second, but then he gave in and kissed back. Kissing Dex felt like the world had been off its axis by a fraction and everything had suddenly tilted into place. It made sense like nothing had ever made sense before and Derek suddenly couldn’t remember any of the reasons he had given himself over the years for not just kissing Dex every second of every day.

“I can’t believe you Mr. Darcy’d me,” Derek quipped. "Leave it to you to say you like me against your better judgement."

“I’d like to say I can’t believe I understand that reference, but you’re the one who made me watch Pride and Prejudice 17 times when you had the flu last year,” Dex chirped.

“Oh come on, you know you liked it,” Nursey said. “You’re a sucker for romance, admit it.”

Dex rolled his eyes, but he was smiling all the same. “I should have known that trying to kiss you would involve a lot of talking.”

Derek raised his eyebrows. “You’re saying you don’t like it when I talk?”

“I’m saying you should shut up and let me kiss you.”

Derek smiled into the kiss; Dex was right. There were much better things they could be doing.

* * *

**_present day_ **

* * *

“You guys sound like you were cute,” Alex said. They were looking at Derek with a sad look on their face. “It sucks that you broke up.”

The class nodded in agreement.

“You guys broke up because he wouldn’t come out? Like, was that the only reason?” Serena asked.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s not like we were perfect, but I think we were both pretty serious about one another,” Derek sighed, thinking back to how good it had been between them. “I broke it off because I got tired of never being able to just relax and be us. I just wanted to be able to hold hands in public without him being nervous that a photographer was going to like, hop out of the bushes and catch us in the act.”

“Well, that shouldn’t be a problem now, right?” Serena asked. “He came out.”

“Do you think he did it for you? Maybe he’s hoping you guys can get together again!” This came from Alice, who barely participated when they were discussing a text but was rattling out of her seat now. The class aww’d and nodded, showing their agreement with Alice.

“Come on guys, it’s not like that. We’ve been broken up for two and a half years. We’re just friends now, if that.”

“Well, has he dated since you?” Serena asked.

“Not that I know of,” Derek said hesitantly.

“Professor Nurse, come _on_ ,” Alice said, exasperated. “He was waiting until he could come out to get back together with you. He could have just done what every other closeted athlete in the world does and had a guy in every city if he really wanted to. He was waiting until he could give you what you want.”

Nursey stilled, thinking it over. It all sounded too good to be true; he had given up on getting back together with Dex a long time ago. But… “You guys really think so?”

They practically yelled their agreement; students in a poetry class tended to recognize a love story when they saw it.

“What the hell are you still doing here, then?” Devon asked. “The Sabres are playing at home all week; he’s in Buffalo.”

“Guys, I can’t just leave; we have material to cover in class today,” Derek said, suddenly guilty for taking up class time with his personal life.

“If we _promise_ to stick around and discuss Neruda for 30 minutes after you leave, will you get out of here already?” Alice proposed.

Derek laughed. “All right, fine. But make sure to read for next week - we’re not getting behind just because I’m about to go try and have some kind of rom-com moment.”

The class laughed and cheered as Derek packed up his things, shouting words of encouragement after him as he left.

* * *

**_three and a half years ago_ **

* * *

Derek remembered what it was like when Dex got the news that he would be going to the draft their senior year. The team and Dex were both doing really well; it shouldn’t have been a surprise that Dex had caught the attention of a few teams.

Derek hadn’t even considered hockey after school, knowing that he would much rather deal with academia than with the pressures of the world of professional sports. 

But Dex had considered it; he knew that a salary like that would mean his family wouldn’t have to worry about money for a while and he could help pay for his little sister to go to college. Not to mention he _loved_ hockey. Derek knew it would be almost impossible for Dex to turn down an opportunity to play professionally, but he also dreaded it. He knew the strain it would put on their relationship would be like nothing they had experienced so far. They’d been dating for about a year and half and Derek already had trouble imagining life without Dex in it.

They talked it over and discussed where Dex’s first choice would be, planned for what they would do if they had to be long distance, but nothing could have prepared Nursey for the actual stress of draft day.

Dex had flown out to Dallas to attend the draft in person; Derek had wanted to go with him, but he had a meeting with a prospective PhD advisor that he couldn’t schedule any other time.

As soon as he got out of his meeting, Derek pulled out his phone and anxiously refreshed the page of draft picks. Dex had some idea about where he could end up, but they knew that basically anything could still happen. Before the page could load, Dex’s face popped up on Derek’s screen and his phone rang.

“Hey, babe. How’d it go?” Derek answered the phone as normally as possible, trying not to worry Dex.

“It went well,” Dex said, sounding a little out of breath. “It’s - it’s not the Rangers, or the Islanders; I know we talked about getting a place in Brooklyn, but that might be a little too much of a commute for me during the season.”

Derek’s heart sank; they had talked about wanting somewhere close to New York so Derek could be close to school and any potential publishers, but they knew that it might not happen. The possibility that Dex could be on the opposite side of the country was finally setting in.

“Well, you know, we can figure out how to make it work. You’ll be traveling a lot anyway, so whenever you’re nearby, we’ll make sure to see each other. And honestly, it doesn’t have to be New York for me, I can find a program near you-”

“Derek,” Dex cut in, recognizing Nursey spiraling when he heard it. “It’s the Sabres.”

“Buffalo!” Derek let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. “We can do Buffalo! Buffalo is in New York.”

“Yeah, Derek, Buffalo is in New York,” Dex laughed, clearly relieved. “We can do Buffalo. But-” Dex cut himself off.

“But what?”

“I don’t think I’m going to be ready to come out yet; at least, not for a while. Some of the guys were asking me about Jack and Bitty and… I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. And I don’t want to put you through that right now, either; you’ve got so many other things to worry about.”

“Ok,” Derek said, trying not to let his disappointment show. “Ok, we can handle that, too. We thought we were going to be living across the country from one another; we can handle having to keep this to ourselves for a little while.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Look, we can figure it out, right? Take vacations to places where no one will recognize you or spend weekends holed up in hotel rooms and not even go outside. We can make it work.”

“Which one of us are you trying to convince, here?” Dex asked, sensing Derek’s nerves.

“We can make it work,” Derek repeated, not wanting to think about the answer to Dex’s question.

* * *

**_present day_ **

* * *

Derek looked up at Dex’s apartment building, trying to work up the courage to dial Dex on the call box. He had been to Dex’s apartment several times when they were dating. There was a time that Derek would rush up to Buffalo whenever he could swing it during the off-season. He still loved Buffalo, even if he had always preferred when Dex came down to visit him. It was much easier to be anonymous in the hustle and bustle of the city streets; still, there was something beautiful in the relative quiet of Buffalo.

He had been standing in front of Dex’s apartment for about 10 minutes now, trying to battle against the swirling drain of anxiety that was his brain. What if Dex wasn’t there? What if he heard Derek’s voice and immediately hung up? What if he had made this whole thing up in his head, and Dex hadn’t really come out for _him_ but for some other guy? And what if _that_ _guy_ answered when the call box rang Dex’s phone?

Derek shook his head and squared his shoulders, stepping up to the call box. He had come to Buffalo for answers and he wasn’t going to leave without them. The call box rang a couple of times and Derek could feel his heart trying its hardest to hammer its way out of his chest.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dexy,” he said, using the old nickname that used to drive Dex crazy.

“Derek?” Dex asked, his voice a little breathless. “What are you doing at my apartment? Why are you in Buffalo?”

“I came for the wings, why else?”

“Glad to know you’re still an asshole,” There was a pause and Derek panicked for a second, waiting for the sound of Dex to either buzz him up or hang up on him.

“Are you going to let me in?” he asked, deciding he had waited long enough.

“I mean, I could? But I’m not there,” Dex said. “I’m actually in the city.”

“Wait, what?”

“Believe it or not, I’m at your place,” Dex said, laughing. “I buzzed your unit, but no one answered.”

“Not all of us have fancy intercoms that connect to our phone,” Derek countered. He was surprised at how comfortable it felt to bicker with Dex. They had pretty much kept to group interactions ever since they broke up.

“Speaking of - why are we still talking over my intercom system?”

“Because you aren’t in Buffalo, where you’re _supposed_ to be.” Derek could practically hear Dex rolling his eyes in the sound of the intercom clicking off. His phone began to ring in his pocket and he smiled and picked up. Dex started talking before he could even say hello.

“How is it that on the day I come out, we manage to end up 6 hours away from one another, in the exact opposite places we were meant to be?”

“I taught a class at a college a couple hours north of the city today,” Derek responded. “I was already basically on my way to Buffalo. What are you doing driving all the way down to the city without calling me first?”

“To be fair, I flew and rented a car to get to your stupid, hipster neighborhood. I drove past 7 different kombucha bars, Derek. Seven.”

“You could have taken a cab,” Derek argued.

“It doesn’t really matter though, does it? Because you’re _in Buffalo_ ,” Dex groaned. “I thought it would be easier if I came down here and we talked in person. I wasn’t sure that you would even pick up the phone if I called.”

“Of course I would’ve picked up,” Derek admitted quietly. He heard a door shut and paused. “Are you getting in the car right now?”

“Yeah,” Dex said, as if the answer was obvious. “We still need to talk, and we can’t have this conversation while you’re there and I’m here.”

“You’re going to make me wait 6 hours to talk to you?”

“Do you really want to have this conversation over the phone?”

“I’ve been waiting two years to have this conversation; I don’t really care how it happens,” Derek admitted. He felt vulnerable, like he had let Dex see a part of himself that he’d kept hidden for a long time.

Dex was quiet for a second and Derek sighed. “What’s a few more hours, though, I guess? Just, don’t make me wait for you to get all the way to Buffalo; we can meet halfway. I’ll hop on a train down to Albany, just meet me there. I -” Nurse broke off, embarrassed. “I don’t think I can wait six hours to see you.”

“Okay,” Dex said softly. “I’ll head there.”

“Okay,” Derek said, just as softly. Neither one of them wanted to break the tenuous peace between them.

“And Derek?” Dex said, catching him before he hung up. “I can’t wait to see you either.”

* * *

Derek spent his third train ride of the day catching up on grading and writing something halfway decent so he wouldn’t get in trouble with his dissertation chair. Well, he tried to, at least. He had spent almost eight hours on trains in less than a day, so he was understandably a little fidgety. Not to mention the fact that he knew that this time, Dex would be waiting for him at the end of the ride.

By the time the train pulled into the Albany station, Nursey had already packed away his things and was waiting by the door, eager to be the first onto the platform. He looked up and down the platform, almost frantic with his need to find Dex.

He eventually spotted Dex down the platform, his shock of red hair standing out in the crowd. Derek watched as Dex craned his neck and stood on his tiptoes to look at every person that filed off the train, clearly just as desperate to find Nursey as Nursey was to find him. 

Derek snuck up behind him, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Dex whirled around, his face already schooled into the expression he reserved for when fans came up to say hello, the fake smile that Derek hated so much. But as soon as he recognized Nursey, his face split into a genuine grin.

“Excuse me, are you William Poindexter? From the Sabres?” Derek said, trying, and failing, to maintain a serious expression.

“Shut the fuck up, Nurse,” Dex said, still smiling as he wrapped his arms around Derek.

Nurse returned the embrace, burying his face into Dex’s shoulder, luxuriating in the feeling of having Dex in his arms for the first time in years. They stood there for a moment, neither one willing to be the first to let go of the other. Part of Derek felt like he was dreaming, that he couldn’t possibly be holding Dex close like this out in the open.

“You idiot. It was _my_ turn for the big romantic gesture,” he said eventually, reluctantly letting Dex go and taking a step back. “Why you gotta steal my thunder and drive to the city, Poindexter?”

“Well, excuse me,” Dex argued, “but I thought going to New York to see you after the news was announced was all part of the same romantic gesture. You know, the one where I came out and risked my career so that we could be together again.”

Derek felt his smile fade, Dex’s words knocking him breathless and speechless.

“I mean,” Dex said hurriedly. “I know better than to assume you’re ready to just hop back into a relationship with me. For all I know, you’ve got someone waiting for you back in New York.”  
Derek shook his head, “Come on, Poindexter; you have to know better than that.”

Dex swallowed. “I just- I didn’t want you to think I had assumed…”

Derek nodded in understanding. “Did you really risk your career? I mean, other than, like, the regular amount. Your team was on board, right?”

“You’re not _that_ special, Nurse,” Dex chirped, even though the way he was looking at Nursey would say otherwise. “I’m not throwing my career away entirely. Of course I cleared it with the team. They weren’t thrilled, but they’re at least working with me to try and make sure there’s as much of a positive response as can be expected.”

“I honestly can’t believe this is happening,” Nursey said. The rest of the people on the platform moved past, oblivious to the scene that was unfolding next to them.

Dex shrugged and sighed. “Honestly, I could never have done it if it hadn’t been for Jack and Bitty all those years ago.” He paused, his face apologetic. “Derek… I’m sorry this took so long.”

“Hey,” Nursey said, putting his hands on Dex’s shoulders reassuringly. “I told you years ago that only you would know when it was the right time. I never meant to pressure you, or make you feel like you had to come out when you weren’t ready.”

“You never made me feel that way, Derek,” Dex assured him. “I was just pissed at myself that I wasn’t ready yet, because I knew how much it was hurting you. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a very long time.”

Dex had a lightness about him that Derek was delighted to see. It was something that Dex usually saved for when he felt safe and warm, usually surrounded by friends and people he could trust. It was something that Nursey had never seen before when they were in such a public place. He smiled; regardless of what happened between them today, seeing Dex happy made his heart swell.

“How good does it feel?” he asked.

Dex heaved out a sigh and smiled, wide and brilliant. “It feels so good, Derek. I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a weight has been lifted off my shoulders since the announcement came out. I know that there will always be people who hate me for it, but I have never felt like I could just… _be_ , not since I left Samwell.”

Derek knew that there was no point in beating around the bush; they had both wasted too much time already and he cared about Dex too much to let this drag out any more than necessary. “Will... I really want to be with you. I haven’t been able to focus all day because all I could think about was whether you wanted to be with me, too. But…”

“I know,” Dex interrupted, taking Derek’s hands in his, the soft material of his gloves caressing Derek’s skin in a way that drove him crazy. “I know, I hurt you so many times when we were together because I didn’t have the courage to come out, and I know that my being out now won’t just magically fix everything. But if you would give me a chance, I _also_ know that... you’re it for me, Derek Nurse. And I will do everything in my power to spend the rest of our time together making sure you know just how proud and unashamed I am to be with you.”

And, really, how could anyone expect Derek _not_ to kiss him, after a speech like that?

He held Dex’s face in his hands as he kissed him the way he’d always wanted to, every time they were out together. Dex didn’t shy away from the public display of affection; once he registered that Nursey was kissing him, he threw himself into the kiss with absolute abandon, as if the levee had finally broken and all the years of want and affection and love poured out of him all at once.

Derek could feel tears form in his eyes as he realized just how much Dex had been holding himself back, but couldn’t bring himself to break the kiss, wanting it to last forever.

Eventually, though, the kiss slowed and they pulled apart. The rest of the platform had emptied out and the train was pulling away from the station as Derek stared at Dex in wonder.

“All I was going to say was that we still live at opposite ends of the state,” he chirped. “But good to know you’re in this for the long haul. I wasn’t planning on letting you go for a long, long time. Not now that I have you back.”

Dex’s gloved hands were warm where he ran them up Derek’s back, underneath his jacket. He shook his head, his expression serious. “I love you, Derek. You can have me as long as you want me.”

Derek felt the air get sucked out of his lungs, his heart beating wildly in his chest. “I love you, too, Will.”

“Then we’ll make it work,” Dex stated, shrugging as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Derek smiled. “Can we maybe make it work inside? I’m turning into a popsicle out here.”

Dex shook his head. “You’ve gone soft on me, Nurse. It’s barely below freezing.”

Derek rolled his eyes as they walked into the train station.

“I mean it though,” Dex said. “I want to give us a real chance, this time. I’m in New York City for work all the time, and in the off-season, I can be with you, wherever you are. For the first time in my life, I don’t have to worry about money. The least I can do is use what I have to make sure we spend every possible moment we can together.”

“Actually,” Derek started, sitting down on one of the benches and looking up at the high, vaulted ceiling of the station. “I was thinking: it’s ridiculous for us not to live in the same city for the majority of the year. I want to be near you as much as possible, Will.”

Dex grimaced, sitting next to Nursey. “I can’t ask for a trade after all the work the Sabres have put into letting me do this.”

“Oh no, I agree,” Derek says, his tone teasing, “I have a lot of love in my heart for the Sabres organization right now myself. There’s no way you’re leaving them.”

Dex’s brow furrowed. “I have no idea what you want from me here, Nurse.”

“I called my dissertation chair from the train,” Derek said quickly, before Dex could start spiraling. “And we’ve agreed that I can work on my dissertation from anywhere. Now that I’m not attending classes on a regular basis, I’m free to write wherever I like and do my last few semesters remotely. I’d still have to commute to the class I teach, but the train ride isn't so bad, speaking from experience.”

“Nursey, what are you saying?” Dex asked, still confused but hopeful.

“I’m saying that if I can write from anywhere… I’d like to write from Buffalo,” Derek said, unable to stop himself from smiling even as his nerves grew. He knew what he was asking here, and Dex would be well within his rights to turn him down. “We don’t have to like, move in together or anything if you don’t want to. We’re not the same people we were two years ago. And it’ll be awhile before I can even move out here, because I’ve got a lease and I have to pack and find a place here and everything. But I want to give this a real chance, Dex.”

“Derek, you don’t have to do that for me,” Dex said. “I know how much you love New York. I don’t want you to regret leaving it behind for me.”

“Of course I love New York, but it’s not like I can’t go visit,” Derek responded. “I can even keep my place there for when I need it, but I want to be here with you as much as I can.”

Dex paused, thoughtful and a little unsure. “Are we really doing this?”

Derek smiled, taking Dex’s hand in his. “I’d like us to. Like you said, I want to give this a real chance.”

“Then don’t bother finding a place,” Dex smiled back, squeezing Derek’s hand. “I’d let you move in today, if you wanted to.”

Derek laughed, overwhelmed by how happy he felt. “I remember a time when you willingly chose to live in a basement rather than share a room with me.”

“Yeah, well,” Will said. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you and me. I’d like to get this one right.”

And before Derek could respond, Will was kissing him again. Derek forgot what he was about to say entirely; whatever it was, it wasn’t important. The only thing that mattered now was that he had Will back in his arms, and he wouldn’t have to let him go ever again. At least, not if he had a say in it.

* * *

**_the next morning_**

* * *

Nursey woke up warm and sated, his muscles pleasantly sore from the night before.

He and Dex had driven back to Buffalo in Dex’s rental car, talking the whole way. They both had a lot to catch up on, and a lot of things to clear up, after two years apart. Derek had spent a lot of the drive staring at Dex’s profile, still not quite believing that he got to have this. The last half hour of the drive, he found himself staring at Dex’s capable hands as he gestured while he talked and getting distracted by the freckles that adorned Dex’s cheeks, the ones he used to love kissing, one by one. By the time they made it to Dex’s apartment, Nursey was practically vibrating out of his skin with the need to get his hands on Dex.

They had barely made it in the door before Nursey started peeling Dex’s clothes off, desperate to see more of that pale, freckled skin he loved so much. They took their time getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies, remembering the sensitive spots that drove the other wild. It had been too long since they had been able to be open with each other like this. Dex’s revelation of the day before seemed to allow him to be vulnerable with Nursey in a way that he wasn’t quite sure he’d ever been able to before, even when they were at Samwell.

Afterwards, they had both laid back against the pillows, breathing hard and utterly exhausted by the emotional rollercoaster of the day. Dex leaned up to look at Derek, took Derek’s hand in his, and pressed a kiss into his skin with a reverent expression as he met Derek’s gaze. Derek had just put an arm around his waist and pulled him close, tucking his head to rest on Dex’s collarbone as he slipped into a content and dreamless sleep.

Derek smiled at the memories of the previous night and stretched out against the soft, white sheets. Dex had clearly woken up before him, but the bed was still warm, so he couldn’t have been gone long.

Derek grabbed his phone to check the time and saw the usual stream of texts from the group chat.  
  


**Bitty  
**Dex - how’s day two so far? For us, the second day was harder than the first.

 **Chowder  
**Farmer wants me to tell you congratulations! The team she coaches were all talking about you at practice yesterday. She said you really inspired them. 

**Shitty  
**Of course you inspired them, you fuckin’ beaut!

if you could stop blowing up our phones for approximately two seconds, that would be gr8.

 **Bitty  
**Derek Nurse, do I have to come over there and slap you?

 **Dex  
** Don’t worry, Bitty. He’s just grumpy because he hasn’t had his coffee yet.  
I’ve got a cup waiting for you, Derek, come downstairs before it gets cold.  
  


Derek could almost hear the collective gasp he was sure each and every member of the group chat let out. Neither he, nor Dex had taken the time the day before to let them know that they had gotten back together. There had been more important things to worry about.  
  
****

**Shitty  
**WHAAAAAAAT

 **Ransom  
**FINE

 **Lardo  
**i think i speak for all of us when i say: deets

 **Chowder  
** omg, congratulations you guys!!! I’m so happy for you.  
  


Derek smiled at his phone, sent a single pink heart emoji that was almost immediately swept off his screen by the incoming flood of messages, and got out of bed. He rummaged through Dex’s drawers to find a pair of sweatpants before padding downstairs.

“You know they’re going to be insufferable for days, now, right?” he chirped, rounding the corner into the kitchen.

“I know,” Dex said, handing a cup of coffee to him and kissing him good morning. “But I figure this way, we can give it a few hours while we enjoy our morning, and answer their questions once they've had a chance to calm down.”

Derek kissed him back. “You’re so smart. That’s what I appreciate about you.”

“Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?” Dex said, an eyebrow raised.

Derek sat on one of the barstools pulled up to the island and sipped his coffee. “Hey - I’ve been looking for this mug.”

Dex blushed prettily, trying unsuccessfully to hide it behind his own coffee mug. “You left it here one of the last times you came to visit. I- I didn’t want to throw it out, or anything. I know how much you like that mug.”

“Mmhm,” Derek agreed. “And how many times have you drank out of it since then?”

Dex blushed deeper, declining to comment, and instead turning to the fridge.

Nursey cackled. “I knew it, you big softie.”

“Shut up,” Dex responded. “Or I won’t make you pancakes the way Bitty taught me.”

Derek stopped laughing quickly after that. Dex was the only one who had properly learned how to make Bitty’s pancakes and have them come out fluffy and perfect, but with the slightest crisp to them. Derek had missed those pancakes almost as much as he had missed the man in front of him.

They sat in companionable silence as Dex mixed up the batter and got their toppings ready, blueberries and whipped cream for Dex, cinnamon and dulce de leche for Derek.

“Am I going to find more of my favorite foods if I peek around in that pantry?” Derek asked.

Dex blushed again, but didn’t even look over at Derek. “Chirp me all you want, but you’ll be thanking me when you’re craving plantain chips later today.”

Derek stood and walked over to where Dex was doling out the batter into perfect circles. “I love that you got me my favorite foods,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around Dex from behind.

“Yeah, well,” Dex said. “I was optimistic. And I want you to feel comfortable here.”

Nursey kissed the side of Dex’s neck. “I do.”

Dex moved the hand without a spatula in it to rest on the back of Nursey’s neck, closing his eyes momentarily.

“Do I really get to have this?” he whispered.

Derek wasn’t sure it was really a question, but he answered it anyway. “Yeah, Will,” he said, holding him tight and kissing his cheek. “We get to have this.”

And as they stood together, enjoying being in each other’s space after all this time, Derek imagined a future where he gets to have this every day.

It wouldn’t be perfect; they would absolutely fight over meaningless things, and occasionally over the important ones, too. Derek would get caught up in work and procrastinate in increasingly creative ways as his dissertation defense got closer. Dex would get testy and withdrawn whenever the season got stressful, which was more often than either of them would like. And there would always be people who would hate them just for who they were.

But at the end of each and every day, they had each other. And that was more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I missed any tags!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for taking the time to read it ❤️


End file.
